Band or Baby?

Project baby continues. Peanut is still marinating as the countdown to December 21st rolls on. Holly and I are a little nervous about the baby process, so she signed us up for a baby c.p.r. class and a childbirth prep class. No, we didn't have to study any B.A.T. books (Baby Aptitude/Admission Test) for the prep class, they did recommend bringing a blanket and two pillows. Was there nap time? Unfortunately, no, but we did get lots of pee breaks for the mommies during the 8 hour class.

I'm not sure what is wrong with me, but I find humor in things at the wrong times (like during an 8 hour baby prep class)...and the wife always seems to know when the hamsters get on the wheel and start running in my brain. We were two hours into the childbirth class, when I grabbed a pen and paper & began to feverishly take notes. Well, sorta take notes. I was making a list. Immediately, she knew something had caught my fancy and, most likely, it was not the elements of Lamaze.

And something did catch my attention. The medical names associated with childbirth reminded me of band names from my teenage metalhead days. Crank up the show intro and cue the announcer...it's time for everyone's favorite new game show "Band or Baby?", where you must determine if the name you hear is a word from the childbirth prep class...OR, if it's a 80's heavy metal band name!

The wife started giving me the LOOK to turn my brain off. Unfortunately, contestant #1 in my head was already trying to decide if "Fetal Descent", "Cervix", "Afterbirth", or "Membrane Rupture" was the moderately successful Sacramento band from 1987. Ohhh, it was a trick question...none of the above! Although, Secret Cervix (get it?) would be an awesome band name.

I managed to focus for a few minutes while the nurse talked about choosing a Pediatrician. Then, despite my best efforts, my brain shifted into the next round of "Band or Baby?", where the contestants scored 100 points for every correct pick in the lightning round. Contestant #2 scored big with "Mucus Plug", "Uterus", and "Heavy Lactator", but missed on "Placenta" (who doesn't remember one of Sweden's finest heavy metal rock exports?). Another look from the wife...game over.

I found my notes from class this morning and I'll fess up, that game show idea still makes me laugh. If you thought "Band or Baby?" was fantastic, just wait until my new series, "Band or Medical Condition?" premieres. Care to take a guess on "Chronic Halitosis", "Spastic Colon", "Hairy Nevus", or "Restless Leg Syndrome" (who I believe are country, yes?)

Until next time, buh bye.