Monday, November 2, 2009

Prepping for 10/31/2010

Halloween is over. The excitement has subsided and I'm left with 3500 pounds of candy & memories of that night. Stuff to note for next year:

1. Halloween pre-game. Make sure everyone pees. This is a must, especially if you have one of those hard to get in & out of costumes. It ain't easy peeling a tight, plastic Buzz Lightyear outfit off an antsy, amped up 5 year old (for the record, that's a sentence I never imagined I'd say).

2. Keep track of the bizarro/creepy houses. I'll explain.

If you're handing out candy to kids, try a's all the rage. I'm sure "no shirt guy" was crunched for time between the doorbell ring and opening the door, but I'll wait the extra 5 seconds so my kids don't have to see your nipple rings.

Also, while it is "trick or treat!", the kids want candy...trick is just part of the greeting. It's not a time to showcase your talent. You may be able to make balloon animals or burp the alphabet, but this ain't "America's Got Talent", it's Halloween. Just give the kids a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup and let them roll.

3. Costumes. Don't dress your kid up in the banana costume. Or any fruit costume. Your kid will be miserable. The cost of therapy will outweigh the extra money you have to pay for a cooler costume.

4. Candy. Hand out something good. I don't know what a "Yum Yum" is but it pales in comparison to a Twix or Milky Way. Charleston Chews are probably a fine candy but unless you have stock in the Charleston Chew company, why would you purchase that when a bag of Snickers are on the same aisle? Do you want to hand out the Brad Pitt of candy or the Danny Devito of candy?

And for pete sakes, don't make something and hand it out!!!!!!! I'm sure your homemade peanut brittle is delicious, but it won't pass the parent test. Even if I green-lighted the brittle, kids won't appreciate your effort and would trade it for even the worst candy, like a Yum Yum.

And if you run out of candy, just turn off your lights! Don't try to fool the kids with junk you have laying around the house. Beef boullion cubes are not a suitable replacement for Butterfingers. The kids on a lo carb diet may appreciate an Atkins bar, but seriously.....

Until next time, buh bye.

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